Facebook: is this a place for children?

Bottom line up front: I don't think children belong on Facebook.

Yes, Facebook is a fun place to connect, but even adults have been victimized via Facebook. Older kids, even college kids, have been bullied on Facebook. Some people think that kids can be on Facebook if properly monitored, but I disagree. Facebook has privacy issues, and kids just don't have the maturity and experience to deal with some of the issues that may be "faced" on Facebook. Facebook isn't just about playing games and posting pictures for your friends and family . . .  There are people who look for potential victims on Facebook--they look for children, women, etc. 

I am very careful with my own Facebook account--I wouldn't dream of allowing an elementary aged child to be on Facebook. Parents, grandparents, guardians . . . please think twice before allowing an elementary or middle school aged child to have an account on Facebook. Be a responsible adult and draw the line. I did.

Facebook: it's not me, it's you . . .

Dear Facebook,

It's not me, it's you. I've loved you--it's true. You have helped me connect to friends and family who are far, far away . . . You have helped me to share pictures, stories, good times and bad times; you have been there for me. You also have allowed me to learn things that have hurt--a lot. Yet through that I have grown . . .

But this time you have gone too far . . .  You are infringing on my privacy more than I imagined. My trust in you before was fragile, but now I have no trust in you at all.

I realize that you perceive your changes to be an enhancement for users, but every change you make appears to disrupt privacy settings. Every change you make requires me to check to see if my information is shared more than I feel comfortable sharing . . . And yes, your changes do change the settings previously set by users. I'm not happy about this, Facebook.

I want to be able to choose what I share on Facebook--I don't want to need to opt out by changing my privacy settings. Rather, if I want to share, let me take the time to share by posting on my own. You may think you are making things easier for me, but I'd like to close the door and have a little privacy. If I want to share, let me open the door--I don't need a butler.

Sincerely,

TK

Related:

Facebook is Scaring Me

"Not to decide is to decide"

Last week, we had a chaplain brief us on ethical decision making. He began with an exercise in which he divided the class into three groups. For the exercise, each group was on a raft that would sink unless one person were eliminated from the raft. One person on the raft was gravely injured, and no one could volunteer to leave the raft. The raft was floating in cold waters with no land in sight. Our task was to decide who would leave the raft.

Everyone felt uncomfortable with the task--no one wanted to throw a buddy overboard. There was a lot of discussion regarding this. Some people said they couldn't throw a person overboard. The chaplain told us that some classes have groups who say they will all go down together.

But, as Harvy Cox said, "not to decide is to decide." The decision not to throw one person overboard, thereby saving everyone else in the raft, is really the decision to throw everyone in the raft overboard. Everyone will die. There isn't a winning solution, but there is a best decision.

Sometimes leadership is difficult--often leadership is difficult. Our exercise was extreme, but the intent was to get us to think. In the corporate world, deciding whom to lay off during hard economic times isn't easy either, but most managers won't say "let's all go down together." Deciding whom to lay off isn't an easy decision. But the more there is to lose, the harder it is to make the decision.

Are you up to the task? If you are in a situation where no solution is a clear "win," can you make the best decision?

Urban Cow, etc

Is it wrong to start with a recovery photo? This is a "cookie recovery" photo following the Urban Cow Half-Marathon in Sacramento on October 3, 2010. This was my first half-marathon. It was fun!

The first 2.5 miles were definitely the most painful--I'm still trying to figure out how to warm-up my muscles earlier because that has been a problem for me since I started running distances. Unfortunately, the run for the APFT is two miles, which means that I'm in pain during the entire APFT! Runner friends--any suggestions???

My pace was 13.07, and I finished 13.1 miles in 2:51:49. I walked for most of the last two miles because I felt like I was getting a Charlie horse--I ran in the end.  I want to be faster, but I feel good about my race. This was my first half-marathon, I'm a fairly new runner . . . and I loved it!

Unfortunately, while Katie and I were on the course, someone broke the window in her car and stole everything that was in it--including my purse. My car keys were in my purse .  . and my passport (I know). So, after calling the Sacramento police (who don't respond to auto break-ins--at all), we drove back to my car. BMWs are very secure I learned. Both AAA and BMW Roadside Assistance told me that I needed to have my car towed to a dealership and have them re-key my car. After several hours and renting a car, I was finally able to get into my car with the valet key (don't ask). By that time, I was alone with two cars . . . what do you think I did? 

After finally getting into my car and starting it, I drove my car home and parked it in the garage. Then, after completing a half-marathon (13.1 miles), I walked over a mile to get my rental car and drive it home. I got a lot of exercise on Sunday!

I'm not complaining though. Today has been a hassle, to be sure. But I keep finding things that would normally be in my purse, but somehow they weren't. I had my WDL, my CAC, my debit cards, my BlackBerry, and my camera with me in a small backpack. I left my glasses and my iPod at home among numerous other things that I normally carry in my purse. It will still cost $1450 to re-key my car because the thieves have my keys and my address. I was lucky--it could have been so much worse. Katie, her husband, and I still have many hoops to jump through to make things right . . .

Katie and I were out making sacrifices to help people live longer while some pathetic person chose to take things away from us. I feel sorry for that person.

I would so much rather give freely by choice than take away by force.

When every day is better than the day before

Why can't it be this way for everyone?

Sometimes I feel guilty for being so blessed. Then I realize why I feel so blessed . . . It's because I've been through enough rough times to be able to recognize the good times.

Last night, I had a great evening watching the Celtics play the Lakers. I wasn't happy with the end of the game, but I had a wonderful time watching. After the game, I sat and visited with other Celtics fans while I switched from beer to water because I still had to drive home. When I pulled in to my apartment complex, there were police cars, an ambulance, and taped off areas. I didn't know what had happened until this afternoon.

There had been a domestic violence incident, and one person didn't survive. I learned this from a letter posted on my door when I arrived home after work. Driving home, I felt happy and carefree--looking forward to a glass of wine with a friend. The letter on my door reminded me of reality--a reality that is more common than most people realize. And before you blame it on the area in which I live, google El Dorado Hills, CA. This is a nice area--even for apartment dwellers. Domestic violence doesn't discriminate--it is equal opportunity all the way.

Please, if you notice something isn't right with a couple or family, say something . . . do something. Don't look the other way. You may save someone's life.

And . . . be good to the people you love.

Panhandling: if beggars can't be choosers, why are they so picky?

I've noticed that there are many panhandlers in my new city . . . I drive past them every day. There are two who seem to take shifts near Target, and they hold their signs claiming embarrassment and God's blessings to me as I drive by. What do I do? I drive past them, wondering what their situations truly are. What do you do? Do you slow down and hand them money? Do you offer them jobs? Do you give them food? [Photo credit]

Some people think I am cold and lacking in compassion for my attitude toward these folks. But I didn't always respond in this way, and I am compassionate. But I refuse to be an enabler. Years ago, I would go home and make sandwiches to take back to people wanting to work for food, etc. I did that until I drove by and saw the food that I and others had brought left on the corner where a beggar sat earlier in the day. This man clearly didn't want our food . . . Which makes me strongly doubt that any money given to this man had been spent on food. Perhaps I'm wrong--maybe he was just a picky beggar. Maybe he was hoping to make enough to eat at Stanley and Seaforts that day. Yeah, I guess my attitude has grown a little jaded . . .

Then there was the time I drove past a panhandler on the way to an appointment with my doctor. This beggar was on the freeway exit by Fort Lewis in Tacoma. His sign read "Help a veteran - will work for food." At the time, I was the office manager at a large church, and I had many contacts and resources that I could offer this man. I had to get to my appointment, but I stopped and gave the man my business card. I told him that I could aid him in finding employment--I offered to help him. The man was gone when I drove by after my appointment, and I never heard from him. I guess he didn't really want to work for food. Maybe I'm wrong, but I seriously doubt that the man was a veteran.

Look, I want to help these people, but handing them money as I drive by isn't a good solution. It doesn't even qualify as "feeding a man for a day" instead of "teaching him to fish." And yes, I do realize that there are many homeless folks out there with mental illnesses, etc, who cannot work and do not have resources. But I highly doubt that these are the folks holding signs on the street corners asking for my money. Seriously. If a person has a serious mental illness and isn't taking his/her meds, I can't see them having the resources for panhandling . . . (BTW, in Washington State, people with serious mental illnesses cannot be forced to take their meds, and there is a serious problem with with folks suffering from mental illnesses living on the streets, but I digress). Again, perhaps I am wrong, and if I am, I still don't think my donations will solve such a huge problem.

So what else can I, or we, do to help? I don't really know . . . My ex-husband and I once took a homeless man out to breakfast in Salt Lake City, but that was merely feeding a man for a day. And that isn't something I would do now as a single mother. Call me heartless, but it's a safety issue.

Jamal Thalji of the St. Pertersburg Times wrote about panhandling in Tampa Bay last January:

"I never used the 'work' or 'homeless' signs," [Jim Tolbert] says.

He first panhandled with the beer sign at this very corner 18 months ago. He saw one like it years ago, hitchhiking through Montana.

His best haul: $120 in four hours. He's gotten 12-packs, wine, champagne and - he swears - Xanax. Read more . . .

[Photo credit]

Personally, I am in favor of panhandling laws.

Related:

Editorial (October 3, 2007): Panhandling ordinance, A law targeting charitable motorists seems extreme

What do you think?